So in this ad, entire sentences will be written normally, and then suddenly key letters, most notably vowels, just disappear. The company “sks an Editorial Asst”, who, if they’re lucky, may someday get to undertake their own “book dvlpmt projs.” “attn to detail” is important, and of course a “Coll degree reqd.” If you’re interested, you can send them your “res & cvr ltr.” Do you think the New York Times charges per letter? Or, like Wheel of Fortune, perhaps consonants are free but you have to “buy a vowel”, with “e” being, apparently, particularly costly?
(I was going to reference the Onion story about an emergency shipment of vowels being sent to Serbia, but I can’t seem to find it online) [edited to add: a friend informs me it's Bosnia and not Serbia http://ifaq.wap.org/society/voweldeployment.html]
Lloyd Dobler, 1989:
“I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.”
Me, 2007:
“I don’t want to leverage anything, implement anything, or optimize anything as a career. I don’t want to leverage anything implemented or optimized, or implement anything leveraged or optimized, or optimize anything leveraged or implemented. And “Solutions Director” is right out.”
Also, what to make of this gem?: “This position is a great opportunity for a teacher looking to make a change and wants to stay within education.” Later they say that the ideal candidate will have strong writing skills.. It’s worth sending a cover letter offering to rewrite that sentence just to see how/if they respond.
Dear girl on her cell phone behind me in line this morning at Espresso Royale,
Thank you for sharing the intimate details of your personal life with your fellow line standees. It gave me a chance to kill time during an unusually long wait discussing your situation with another person standing nearby. The conclusions we came to were:
1. He’s just not that into you. At all.
2. If you don’t want to know that he totally hooked up with a hot girl over the weekend, don’t read his facebook page.
3. The reason he’s ignoring you is not that his friend Dylan is bitter about being dumped and consequently wants all his friends to be single. Please re-read #1.
4. Don’t make him cupcakes for his birthday.
This marks the debut of “Can you hear me now?” as a recurring feature of this blog. Cell phone blabbers of Boston, consider yourself warned!
